hi, grandma? can u come pick me up from my rap battle? it's over. no, i lost. he saw u drop me off & did a pretty devastating rhyme about it

— chuuch (@ch000ch) October 19, 2013

via http://twitter.com/ch000ch

To save money during the Shutdown, Justice Kennedy is just going to go ahead and decide all of this term's Supreme Court cases on his own.

— Supreme Court Haiku (@SupremeHaiku) October 14, 2013

via http://twitter.com/SupremeHaiku

Your bumper sticker asks "What would Jesus Do?" I doubt he would illegally park in a handicapped spot to run into Starbucks & order a frappe

— Ana (@SSH_Ana) September 17, 2013

via http://twitter.com/SSH_Ana

Yes, hi. I'd like the "too much pizza."

— Mike Birbiglia (@birbigs) October 3, 2013

via http://twitter.com/birbigs

http://t.co/szrczmduzC is simultaneously a domain name and false advertising.

— Christopher Sprigman (@CJSprigman) October 4, 2013

via http://twitter.com/CJSprigman

Now that I think about it I have no idea why I didn't review the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell for the Taco Issue.

— Pete Wells (@pete_wells) October 2, 2013

via http://twitter.com/pete_wells

Almost everyone gets this wrong including cyclists. Guy in full bike kit yelled at me for doing it right yesterday. pic.twitter.com/k2LcbK6Dnd

— Cameron Walters (@ceedub) September 29, 2013

via http://twitter.com/ceedub

The ricin is for Low Winter Sun.

— Anjeanette Carter (@anjeanettec) September 29, 2013

via http://twitter.com/anjeanettec

MD#1: A government shutdown would fuck up all of our bonuses.

— GS Elevator Gossip (@GSElevator) September 29, 2013

via http://twitter.com/GSElevator

Another artist complaining that her career didn't go exactly as hoped. And that Internet pirates are to blame. Yawn. http://t.co/RoxpbAm6rD

— Christopher Sprigman (@CJSprigman) September 27, 2013

via http://twitter.com/CJSprigman