Nothing sets you at ease before a Craigslist meetup like a text that says "I'm in a blue Prius."

— Elroy Jetson (@Hadi3000) January 25, 2014

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If u need a Do's & Don'ts list to know how to act at an Office Xmas Party, go ahead and get wild. You're gonna get fired soon anyway.

— GS Elevator Gossip (@GSElevator) December 15, 2013

via http://twitter.com/GSElevator

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Our thoughts go out to all of the veg people today who will be tortured all day by a drunk uncle.

— R5Productions (@R5Productions) November 28, 2013

via http://twitter.com/R5Productions

Johnny Cash at Folsom Prison, 1968 pic.twitter.com/kVWwxLxMMJ

— History In Pictures (@HistoryInPix) November 27, 2013

via http://twitter.com/HistoryInPix

Kickers are like lawyers. No one appreciates them until they need a good one…

— Andrew Brandt (@adbrandt) November 10, 2013

via http://twitter.com/adbrandt

I'm going to work on Maggie's Farm for a long time because I have loans and a mortgage.

— Frat Reaper (@PartyReaper) November 3, 2013

via http://twitter.com/PartyReaper

Sierra Nevada Beer Camp 2013 http://t.co/rIfDfll5ZC

— kyler serfass (@kylerserfass) November 2, 2013

via http://twitter.com/kylerserfass

Employer blocked Urban Dictionary and RapGenius. I'm taking it personally.

— Elroy Jetson (@Hadi3000) October 30, 2013

via http://twitter.com/Hadi3000

Cheap paperback knockoff of THE KNOCKOFF ECONOMY coming in Feb. In the meantime, genuine hardcover available here: http://t.co/F9jQYFzixv

— Christopher Sprigman (@CJSprigman) October 24, 2013

via http://twitter.com/CJSprigman